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Title: Survivalism
Fandom: Heroes
Pairing: Sylar/Danko
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 3,278
Summary: There had been many times where he could have killed Danko; something always stopped him.
Warnings: *takes deep breath* Asphyxiation; cutting; beating; other things that are brutally violent. All consensual, but pretty hardcore stuff.
Writer's Notes: Thanks for the superlative beta to [ profile] karaokegal. Much love to [ profile] terraswrath for holding my hand and telling me "yes you can" when I wailed "but I can't!" Title taken from a track of the same name by Nine Inch Nails
Why it's a costume: Asyphxiation is one of my biggest squicks. I've never written anything in the Heroes fandom before. I don't think I've ever written anything his unrelentingly brutal before either.

I got my violence in hi-def ultra-realism )
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I've been away from internets for a few days. Mostly hiding under a pillow because the world was too painfully bright to deal with. A fie on migraines. Particularly ones that last three whole days.

To break myself back into writing, I shall set about answering some questions set by [ profile] sweetsyren in response to her questions meme. So here they are. Five questions that she set for me to answer. If you want a set, comment and I'll suggest something.

1. You've discovered a secret door in your house. Where does it go?

I thought about this one long and hard. I could think of a lot of answers, or the stock "wherever I wanted it to take me depending on my mood", but that's a total cop-out. So I say that my secret door is a door to the outside world as I would usually experience it, except I'm completely invisible. Sometimes I wish I were invisible. I don't want to spy on anyone particularly. I just don't want to be seen.

2. If you could rob a bank and get away with it completely scott free, would you?

No. I don't see the point. Money isn't the route to happiness for me. Not having any at all can bring about unhappiness, but it's not a coefficient where the more money you have, the happier you are. I also think that I enjoy many of the things I do because I know I've had to work to earn them. I'm satisfied with being comfortable. I wouldn't want buckets of money.

3. If you could go back and change one decision what would it be and how would you change it?

I don't think I'd change a thing about my life. All of the experiences I've had in my life to date have made me into the person I am now. Looking back over it all, I've had times where in the moment I might've wished things had gone differently but now, I think it's all part of the process. I don't want to disrupt my continuum. If I changed one tiny thing in my past, I might not have met all the wonderful people I know now or be in the position I am today. I regret nothing.

4. How could I cheer you up if you were miserable?

You would come to my house. You would give me a hug. A big one. Then you would brandish a Spaced box-set and we would sit down and watch it, giggling along. Then we might stop and have a little slow-mo fake gunfight.

5. You've got 24 hours to the end of the world. What are you doing??

I am with Mr G, reminiscing, laughing and spending time in bed. I am calling all my friends and loved ones to tell them what they mean to me. I'm going about my day, because whatever I haven't achieved in the last 32 years of my life I'm unlikely to manage in my last 24 hours.
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I've had three trips to the movies since this time last week, and I think it's about time I rounded up the films I've watched in the past month or so. Ten words, as is my want, to sum them up. Non-spoilery. For further details, apply within.

Moon - Unlike anything I've seen before. Sam Rockwell's great. Also, MATT BERRY!

Dorian Gray - Firth was fantastic. Dorian a little too flat. ZOMG SLASH!

The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus - Either poetically beautiful or pretentious nobcheese. As yet still undecided.

Zombieland - Unrelentingly wonderful. Hilariously gruesome, funny, sweet and touching. Watch it!

Up - Touching in places. 3D didn't add much. I love Dug!

Drag Me To Hell - Screamed like a girl. Laughed my arse off. Good fun!

Films that I see in my future include:

Men Who Stare At Goats

A Serious Man

Planet 51

Sherlock Holmes

Nightmare Before Christmas 3D, if it's out near me that is

Cirque Du Freak

Fantastic Mr Fox

Looks like it's going to be a busy few weeks for movie-going...

In other news, it's been a while since I succumbed to a meme. So I'll put this one out there.

Ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want  - personal, fandom-related, completely random. Ever wanted my view on the meaning of life? Ask away! I reserve the right to answer any way I please, but I will answer . Then post this on your own journal.

Or not. It's entirely up to you. I ain't no meme fascist and I won't be checking.



Oct. 20th, 2009 08:47 am
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Okay. I'll admit it. I have been well and truly hooked in by Twitter. But none more so than yesterday. Yesterday, when Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright and Nick Frost wrote Hot Fuzz slash with each other through the medium of Twitter.

I didn't think I would ever stop laughing. Ever. I had a bit of a crappy day work-wise yesterday and this totally made up for it.

It started with a little comment from Edgar, asking about X Factor slash... )
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Travel plans move on apace, and Mr G says visa applications are sent. I have a list of things to do in preparation for the trip as long as my arm. Dull stuff, including sorting insurance, telling the bank withdrawals will be made from exotic locations and booking airport parking. We picked up the tickets on Saturday and await the arrival of the tour itinerary to I can go through the travel books we have and annotate them like the crazy control freak I am.

The fun part, which I have yet to sort, is what reading matter I will take with me. I like to take series books. Last year I made my way through all four Twilight books (not so good) in Mexico (also not so good) whereas the year before I read all of His Dark Materials (unbelievably awesome) in Thailand (best holiday ever).

With that in mind I'm seeking recommendations for books to take. Grown-up books or young adult is fine. Ask me any questions on what I like to read you think might help and I would love to hear what you suggest.

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Recently, pop star Stephen Gately died on holiday with his partner in Mallorca. The post-mortem found the cause of death was pulmonary oedema, and the coroner ruled he died of natural causes. He was 33 years of age.

If you don't know who Stephen Gately was and are still reading he was a member of Boyzone, a 1990's Irish boyband who were popular around the same time as The Spice Girls and Take That. In 1999, after hearing that someone was due to sell a story to the tabloid press about his sexuality, Gately decided to pre-empt the press and come out, albeit reluctantly. He didn't think it was anyone else's business who he chose to sleep with, and I am inclined to agree. Boyzone went their separate ways and though some members went on to have solo success, Gately mainly stayed out of the spotlight. He entered into a civil partnership with his long-term boyfriend in 2006 and kept himself to himself.

Although the news of his death at such a young age was pretty shocking, the press reaction has for the most part pretty measured. The ghoulish glee at exposing a celebrity's tawdry private life as is often the case in celebrity deaths such as those of Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger was predominantly absent from the coverage, not least because it seemed there was nothing over which to gloat.

That was, until today.

The British newspaper The Daily Mail is a dispicable rag of hate-filled half-truths at the best of times, but today they surpassed themselves. Somehow one of their journalists, one Jan Moir, has managed to take the sad death of this young man in relatively rare but not unheard-of circumstances and turn it into something sordid. If you wish to read the unexpurgated version of her strange musings and illogical conclusions, you can see the full article here. However, here are a few gems from the content of her article.

After the jump, witness someone leaping so far to conclusions, I'm extremely surprised she didn't fall down the gorge and smash her face in )


Oct. 15th, 2009 11:52 am
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There has been a plea today via James Moran on Twitter for help in catching the assailants in this case. The man in his sixties who was attacked in the middle of the street died today after suffering a violent homophobic beating in Central London. Even though this violent crime was perpetrated in the wide open, in one of the busiest areas of London and the victim later died of his head injuries the Police have no clear leads and it has received limited press in the UK, some saying due to the fact the victim was gay.

I don't know if the accusation of lack of interest due to the victim's sexual orientation is true, or whether it's just a sad fact of our society that violent crimes of this nature go largely unreported due to their prevalence. However, it's chilling to note that violent crimes with a reported homophobic motive have risen by 14% in the Metropolitan Police area since April of this year. That's 39 people who otherwise would have quite happily gone about their day but for some reason were singled out for who they are or who they were perceived to be.

I know my f-list isn't large, but if any of you happened to be in Central London around two weeks ago of an evening or if you can recognise the people in the pictures then do your bit. I know that this is an extremely long shot but if you want to post to your own f-list and link to my post or copy and paste, the more people that see this story, the better.

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I love all kinds of music. Classical. Pop. Electronic. Industrial. I'm never happier than when listening to Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster or Nine Inch Nails or Presets or a little bit of Holst. I have a soft spot for old crooners too. But dear, sweet brain, for the love of deities, WHY do you give me this?

I'm an awkward teenager again! I'm mooning over Peter Harris in fifth form and wondering if anyone will ever notice me behind my frizzy ginger hair and glasses. Whatever next? Tiffany?! Eesh!

*strops off in a teenage sulk*


Oct. 13th, 2009 03:21 pm
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I have a cold. My head throbs and intermittently I can't breathe through my nose. Apparently I was snoring last night, probably on account of being compelled to be a mouthbreather due to full-up sinuses. I also didn't sleep all that well, so my eyes are sore.

It's making me miserable, and I'm done with miserable. I've given it up for the foreseeable future. I was cheered by watching the STVI gag reel about three times this morning but that has worn off now, much like the pseudoephydrine *goes to top up mug of Lemsip*

So if anyone has anything that might cheer me up - macros, fluff fic [NOT Torchwood; Torchwood and I have fallen out], videos, pictures of puppies or kittens or pygmy hedgehogs, feel free to send 'em my way.

Help me, F-list Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope...

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Thirty years ago this week, The Sugar Hill Gang gave us "Rapper's Delight". It was such a seminal moment in musical and hip-hop history, and that combined with Afrika Bambaaataa doing "Planet Rock" probably formed a huge part of my personal formative musical heritage. So here they are. Sugar Hill Gang:

It's as awesome today as it was then. I love it, and I am still looking everywhere for a Rapper's Delight alarm clock as given to Turk by JD in Scrubs. Want!

And so to Afrika Bambaataa. Rock it, don't stop it, you gotta rock it don't stop...

In other music-related news, I have secured Glastonbury tickets for next June. I had kinda forgotten about it because, hell, it's eight and a half months until then, but was reminded today after Andy Williams let slip at a gig this weekend that he'll be playing. So that'll be Tom Jones and Andy Williams in two years? Eeee!

And those were today's music headlines. Now over to Tammy for the weather...


Oct. 7th, 2009 08:43 am
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This week, early morning music in my mind seems to have been replaced with remembered dreams. Very, very strange dreams involving well-known people1.

Monday night saw me dream two things: firstly I dreamt that I was sitting in my usual chair in the lounge when my mobile rang and it was [ profile] terraswrath. We chatted for about ten minutes about something I can't recall and that's all I remember. It was one of those ultra-realistic dreams where I was quite convinced it had actually happened, then when I switched my phone on in the morning, I had a text from [ profile] terraswrath at about 0030hrs telling me that if she weren't in a room full of people trying to sleep she would have called me. I mentioned the dream co-incidence to [ profile] licklepickle yesterday and she reassured me that it was just a glitch in The Matrix :p

After the very mundane, realistic dream, my brain switched to one where Mr G and I were walking down seafront at Porthcawl - a tacky seaside resort close to where we live. It wasn't just us, but for some reason Zane Lowe was with us too. Except whilst we were dressed in jeans or something, Zane was wearing a pair of swimming shorts and kept diving into the water. I think I can blame a combination of my recent joint fic efforts with [ profile] licklepickle and the fact I read a Tweet from Zane saying he was stuck on a train to Swansea before I went to bed.

I've cut this dream because even though it wasn't distressing for me it involves disembowelment of sorts so it might be icky for others )

Then the sweet one had Rufus Hound flirting with me and offering to walk me home from somewhere [no idea where], with Mr G winking at me as Rufus and I walked off together and he delivered me back to my flat in a London tower block with doors that opened to an outdoor balcony like in a skanky motel [I live in a big old house in semi-rural Wales...] and kissing me on the cheek before taking his leave. I remember his beard tickled me as he kissed me. And I'm sure that'll serve me right for watching Argumental before bed, but I'm rather glad it was Rufus who popped up in the dream and not Marcus Brigstocke.

So all in all, very strange indeed. The good thing about it is that I'm clearly sleeping enough to dream, so hurrah for that.

1Well known if you're me, or into British comedy, or watch MTV UK, or listen to Radio 1
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This wasn't in my head when I woke up this morning, but came up on my iPod and had the predictable result of almost making me cry. Guy Garvey's voice is so beautiful, so tender, his lyrics are poetic bliss and the sentiment expressed in this song is simple and wonderful.

It's not a long song, only about a minute and a half. In the embed I've skipped to the start of the song and after that it's the video credits from the DVD. I would love it if people just had a listen. It might not move you the same way it does me, but it might give you 90 seconds of peace in an otherwise hectic day.

ETA: Apparently you can't skip to a point in a video AND embed it, so jump to 56 seconds in for the start of the song.
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I read this prompt and it actually made me a little sad. The person I would have counted as my oldest friend and I parted company earlier this year and it still hurts. She and I had known each other since we were both 12, which means we would have been friends for 20 years this year. I think about her almost if not every day, sometimes affectionately, sometimes sadly, sometimes with anger and indignation at how our friendship panned out. I hope that over time the latter emotions will abate and leave me with happier reflections on the good times we had together.

As a result, I don't have one BFF these days. I'm a strong believer that time served does not a great friendship make. One of the people I've known the longest in my life let me down and hurt me badly. On the other hand, I have some friends I've met in the past few years for whom I just can't express the love I feel or the joy they bring into my life. [ profile] minlliw has been amazing. We have so much fun together, and she's been there for me offering support in emotional and practical ways over the past couple of years in ways that have renewed my faith in human beings. [ profile] after8mink is one of my soulmates. He is me in masculine form, and I feel so lucky to have found him. We've both been kind of busy in the past few weeks and not been in touch as much, but I know he'll always be there if I need him and I know he know the same goes for me.

As time has gone on, I have blurred the lines between my real life and online friends too. My life would be so different today if it weren't for a number of people I met online and became close to in ways that transcend random internet chat. [ profile] silvaa and [ profile] terraswrath are rocks for me, and I love them so much. There are others of my online friends I'd love to meet. [ profile] terraswrath and I, in spite of talking pretty much every day online sometimes for hours and hours at a time, haven't met. I'd also love to meet [ profile] candesgirl [Massachusetts or Wales, either/or :)] and [ profile] sweetsyren. I used to be sceptical about the validity of connections made online, but I'm so over that way of thinking. I've met some awesome people through my online life and I feel much more able to be myself when I can consider what I say instead of either being too shy to open my mouth or blurting something out before I can take it back.

I don't make friends easily. I can be quite closed-off, I'm very guarded about letting my emotions out and I suck at smalltalk so making friends in real life is quite hard for me. I value my friends and am fiercely loyal to them. I would like to think that the friendships I make are forever, but I know now that things can change.

The one person who is probably my oldest, closest and best friend is Mr G. I know that probably sounds sappy, but it's true. Even before we hooked up romantically I knew I couldn't envisage a life without him in it and it's even stronger today. He is the single most important person in my life, even more than me. His friendship and companionship mean more to me than I can express.

It's done!

Oct. 4th, 2009 09:40 pm
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Grinding it out was painful and took forfuggingever, but I've completed the first draft of my Halloween fic and shipped it off for beta. I don't think I've obsessed as hard over any fic I've written before. Ever. I still know it has a long way to go, but I know that [ profile] karaokegal will help me hammer it into shape.

Also, I can't explain just how much I love [ profile] terraswrath. She's supported me all the way through this process, egged me on, waved the pompoms and given me really constructive advice. Not that I need a reason to love her. I love her like a kid loves bubblegum anyway :)

I can go into the new week knowing I've achieved something now. It's a good feeling indeed.
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I tagged myself in [ profile] 51stcenturyfox's Icon meme, and she suggested the following ones for me:


This image is my default pic and is of Julie Walters as Christine Painter from the film Personal Services. She's all kinds of snarky awesome in that movie and in that particular scene Christine, having just received a taxbill, has a taxman in a tiny loincloth chained up in the dungeon room. She walks in dressed in that full-length rubber catsuit and a cat o' nine tails, gives said taxman three lashes and says "That's for the bloody Inland Revenue!" and storms out. She's amazing!

2. 3.

I took two and three together because they're from the same show. Einstein and Eddington was a biopic of the relationship between the two great scientists during the Great War. The first pic, of Mercury, was from Arthur Eddington's orbiting constellation in his study and illustrated why Einstein's General Theory of Relativity was correct. The other icon is of Eddington [David Tennant], sobbing his heart out after he finds his best friend William, and someone for whom it is very strongly hinted he had romantic feelings, has been killed in battle at Ypres. He later confesses to his sister Winnie, in a cracking desperate voice, "But I loved him! I loved him so much!" It breaks my heart, every time.


I love Barney Stinson. I love Neil Patrick Harris. I use this as a multi purpose icon that says either "listen to what I'm telling you", which is what Barney was trying to convey, or "You & me? We share the same thoughts!"


My former RPS OTP [and one for whom I still have a very soft spot] in possibly one of the best manips I've ever seen. Just looking at it makes me a little bit wibbly.


[ profile] 51stcenturyfox said to pick one of my choice, so that's it. I mean, c'mon. Who doesn't love a flailing Kermit? Heartless people, that's who!

If you want a go, comment and I'll go rifle through your icons
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I'm home alone this morning due to Mr G and Mr G Sr. going laptop shopping because Mr G Sr's has packed up and he needs a new one. Mr G rather perceptively asked if I wanted them to come back for me once they were done doing boy things. This is good, because now I get time to do some writing. Just as soon as I stop procrastinating and get the fuck on with it...

More mind music this morning:

Right, on with some writing for an hour then off out for museum browsing with the G Clan.
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We have a new vacuum cleaner, called Henry. No really. That's what he's called. For those who've never met Henry, he looks like this:

I had more fun than should be possible last night cleaning the cat hair off the stair carpet with my new friend Henry. He also made the carpet in the spare bedroom look somewhere near presentable given it's about 20 years old and about as threadbare as a carpet can be without falling apart completely.

I was also amused to find, whilst I was cleaning in the spare room ready for the arrival of Mr G's dad this evening, a magazine that had gone missing from the bathroom a couple of weeks ago. I get Scarlet, which is a monthly mag of toy reviews, kink discussions and what they call "Cliterature", and when it's in I tend to read it in the bath. I remembered leaving it on the windowsill and was perplexed I'd been unable to find. When I discovered it pushed under the spare bed, I realised the last time I'd seen it was before we went to North Wales. And when we were in North Wales, my cousin and her fiance came to stay in our house and slept in the spare bed. I smiled to myself and wondered whether it provided them with any inspiration whilst we were allowing the free run of our house to get some respite from the tiny cramped space they're currently sharing with my aunt and uncle ;)

This morning also provided mind music. Today it was this:

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I am not planning to dress up for Halloween in the real life sense. Although I love fancy dress, there's nowhere to go this year and I'm sure it will be a night like any other. Halloween celebrations are growing in the UK, but it's nowhere near as popular here as it is in the US. Trick or Treat tends to be less of a family and community thing where houses are brightly lit and doors are opened by smiling adults with buckets of treats for kids escorted by parents. Here it's more like suspcious homeowners keeping all the lights off, hoping the marauding gangs of teenagers in dead Presidents masks will believe they genuinely are out and won't egg their houses.

I am, however, planning a costume for [ profile] karaokegal's Come As Your Not multifandom fic party. I've previously explained the premise, which in brief is to write something that's outside your normal comfort zone and produce some fic that's different to what you'd normally do.

I've let on various hints as to what my 'costume' will be this year. There are a few people who know the details, and they are all my fic enablers who have been holding my hand through what has proved to be a very challenging process. I'm hitting the wall hard at the moment and the last two nights I've only managed to grind out a painful 130 words. I know I'm obsessing too much about getting it perfect in the first edit even though I know I have a superbeta waiting in the wings to help me hammer it into shape, but I'm realising just how much writing something outside my own comfort zone makes me feel uncomfortable. Like, duh. You'd have thought that much would be obvious, wouldn't you?

Challenge is to get the first draft finished THIS WEEKEND so I can have plenty of time for my beta to kick my ass and help me make it into the good fic I know it can be.
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The perfectly fabulous [ profile] licklepickle finds that due to certain band stalking activities cultural enrichment commitments she will be in Oslo for her birthday later this month.

Does anyone know of places to go out in that fair city? Or know someone who might?

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