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I read this prompt and it actually made me a little sad. The person I would have counted as my oldest friend and I parted company earlier this year and it still hurts. She and I had known each other since we were both 12, which means we would have been friends for 20 years this year. I think about her almost if not every day, sometimes affectionately, sometimes sadly, sometimes with anger and indignation at how our friendship panned out. I hope that over time the latter emotions will abate and leave me with happier reflections on the good times we had together.

As a result, I don't have one BFF these days. I'm a strong believer that time served does not a great friendship make. One of the people I've known the longest in my life let me down and hurt me badly. On the other hand, I have some friends I've met in the past few years for whom I just can't express the love I feel or the joy they bring into my life. [livejournal.com profile] minlliw has been amazing. We have so much fun together, and she's been there for me offering support in emotional and practical ways over the past couple of years in ways that have renewed my faith in human beings. [livejournal.com profile] after8mink is one of my soulmates. He is me in masculine form, and I feel so lucky to have found him. We've both been kind of busy in the past few weeks and not been in touch as much, but I know he'll always be there if I need him and I know he know the same goes for me.

As time has gone on, I have blurred the lines between my real life and online friends too. My life would be so different today if it weren't for a number of people I met online and became close to in ways that transcend random internet chat. [livejournal.com profile] silvaa and [livejournal.com profile] terraswrath are rocks for me, and I love them so much. There are others of my online friends I'd love to meet. [livejournal.com profile] terraswrath and I, in spite of talking pretty much every day online sometimes for hours and hours at a time, haven't met. I'd also love to meet [livejournal.com profile] candesgirl [Massachusetts or Wales, either/or :)] and [livejournal.com profile] sweetsyren. I used to be sceptical about the validity of connections made online, but I'm so over that way of thinking. I've met some awesome people through my online life and I feel much more able to be myself when I can consider what I say instead of either being too shy to open my mouth or blurting something out before I can take it back.

I don't make friends easily. I can be quite closed-off, I'm very guarded about letting my emotions out and I suck at smalltalk so making friends in real life is quite hard for me. I value my friends and am fiercely loyal to them. I would like to think that the friendships I make are forever, but I know now that things can change.

The one person who is probably my oldest, closest and best friend is Mr G. I know that probably sounds sappy, but it's true. Even before we hooked up romantically I knew I couldn't envisage a life without him in it and it's even stronger today. He is the single most important person in my life, even more than me. His friendship and companionship mean more to me than I can express.
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I already knew it was the perfectly adorable [livejournal.com profile] minlliw's birthday. She assures me she's had a nice day and a lovely weekend, which is no more than she deserves. She and I will be meeting for a date next week, when I will be spoiling her in some way or another. If you're reading this, happy birthday my sweet. All the birthday love in the world to you *smooches*

In addition to what I already knew, I have learned the following things:
  • Work-based internet privileges are capricious and fleeting. One minute I was posting a lunchtime rant about the absence of The Brain from my work life, the next thing I know LJ is blocked at a server level by the work system. No more lunchtime browsing of my SFW list. Or daytime venting of my frustrations to my journal's ever-listening ear. Oh well *sighs*
  • I have a sexual squick that's greater than the one I thought was my biggest one ever. Not something I've tried, but something I read today. It squicked me out more violently than I thought possible for anything. I was almost physically sick, and ended up in tears. It's not even anything that's all that extreme in the grand scheme of things. I can deal with all sorts of violence, blood, even watersports even though it's not my thing. I've watched most of "2 girls, 1 cup", FFS! But just a few short [well-written - it wasn't the writer's fault] paragraphs had me quaking and queasy. It made me ponder on the broad church of human sexuality and how we're all so different. I'm sure there's stuff that I enjoy seeing or reading about, or even doing, that would turn others right off. I think I was just surprised at the strength of my reaction, and I learned something about myself.
The only other thing I know for sure is that my headache of Friday was just in remission rather than actually gone, so I'm eating a fistful of pills and going to get some sleep.
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I am going to a christening on Sunday for my friend's twin daughters. It's not exactly a low-key thing either - the ceremony is in the Anglican cathedral in Cardiff and I know that my friend bought what she described as "very bling" christening gowns in the souk when she and her husband were in Morocco earlier this year. However, I'm at a bit of a loss and could do with some help.

I'm an atheist, unchristened myself and have only been in churches for other people's weddings and funerals. I am distinctly uncomfortable in church [strangely less so when I went to the Gurdwara for a friend's Sikh wedding, but that was just all so different to anything I'd experienced before that I was just taking it all in] and feel hypocritical just being there. I didn't go to the christening of the same friend's son because she didn't invite anyone thinking they wouldn't want to attend and was widely castigated by people, including me, for not asking people along and giving the opportunity to show their support for her and her family. That came back to bite me, didn't it?

I've only been to one christening before and I don't remember much about it. I was 19 at the time, working in a bar for 64 hours a week and Sundays were my only day off. I was exceptionally hung over having pulled an all-nighter that started with a lock-in after hours and ended in the staff house with crates of Hooch. As if to compound my shame and unworthiness to sit in the house of God, I'd snuck out of someone else's bed at 8am after a one-night wonder - a someone I later discovered was due to get married to someone else two weeks later - to meet my parents so we could travel to the church together. I snoozed through most of the ceremony as discreetly as I could and have no recollection of the after-thing [reception? Wake? What the hell do you call the do after a christening anyway?!] so I don't really know what to expect this weekend.

So, to my more well-schooled and less despicably depraved f-listers, I ask this: what the hell is going to happen? I've already guessed from the fact that it's in a cathedral that it's a posh frock do, so I'm sorted on that score. Should I take a gift, or a card? And if so, is the gift for the babies or for the parents? Or the Godparents? There'll be Godparents, won't there?! What is to be expected of the do afterwards? What should I expect in general? Help!

Oh well

Jul. 20th, 2009 12:30 am
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This weekend didn't really turn out as I expected. We had plans for Saturday that fell through for health and other more enigmatic reasons. But it's been nice. Mr G and I went to Cardiff yesterday for lunch and a wander and spent the evening at home. Today I've been domestically productive and managed to make two hone-cooked meals (including a fucking gorgeous lasagne, even if I do say so myself), do some cleaning and put away the groceries. Not earth-shattering but I feel I've not wasted the day. Then topped off the night by watching Shaun of the Dead, which made me grin very broadly indeed.

I took 15 mins or so whilst Mr G was in the bath this evening to progress a WIP I want to finish. I was pleased that I managed to get 700+ words out in that time, which is a good workrate, I reckon. I've promised myself I won't look back over it til I think it's done and then I'll edit it. If I can get another 500 or so words a day into it over the next couple of mornings I'll be feeling pretty satisfied with myself.

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Well, I went to the exhibition. It was shut. That'll teach me not to check opening times before I left the house. But it was fine. Rich arrived in town early so I went to meet him for coffee, which developed into cake, and lasted for about three hours by the time Dan joined us for another and we headed off to the cinema. Rich is on fine form, and seems to be feeling much more relaxed and confident since he's been to see his doctor and had a holiday in Turkey with Dan. He was a pleasure to spend time with this afternoon.

The film, Drag Me To Hell, was pretty good. I think I actually might have screamed out loud like a little girl at some point. But it also had some really funny moments. I don't want to give anything away to anyone who might be planning on watching it, but every seance should have a talking goat :p Poor Rich nearly crapped his pants, and Dan had to climb over me about a third of the way into the movie so he could go sit on the other side of Rich and hold his hand. Bless.

After the film, I stomped from town to the 'burbs about a mile and a half in 20 minutes or so to meet Mr G. As a result I now have very blistered feet due to wearing tights with my Cons instead of socks. I get the feeling I'm going to have to swallow my pride and wear the new lilac Crocs I caved in and bought yesterday for Glastonbury even though I think they're spectacularly ugly and make my feet look enormous. They are unbelievable comfortable though, and I think that's what I need.

On an unrelated note, I was looking around my Facebook earlier and noticed that a friend had posted some pictures from filming of an independent movie she was cast in recently called A Very British Cover Up. The "big name" in said movie is Gareth David Lloyd. I've never found him particularly attractive, but all I can say in this instance is "oh dear".



In fact, I don't think there's enough "oh dear" to sum up how I feel about that photograph.

Off to London tomorrow. Weather forecast looks good again. Happy days :)
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I am really feeling the therapeutic benefits of fire these past two days. We had [livejournal.com profile] after8mink over for a barbeque tonight followed by another fire in the garden. We sat outside until 11pm before retiring to the lounge where all three of us indulged in a glass of port and a Habano. I quit smoking in November, but somehow smoking a cigar is totally different. It was mellow and soothing to roll the liquorice smoke around my mouth and blow it out in rings. I won't make a habit of it but it was nice.

The boys (Mr G and [livejournal.com profile] after8mink) are downstairs watching a badly dubbed Chinese movie but I needed my bed. Replete, seasoned and sleepy.

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