Torchwood CoE - realtime fail!blog

[filthgoblin]

terraswrath and I vowed to hold each other's hands through the mixed blessing that was last night's Torchwood Day One. There's been something of an outpouring of squee from fandom in relation to the ep, and I actually wonder whether I'm missing something serious here. So yeah, here were our thoughts, blow-by-blow

(21:00)
Varla Guns: They are coming...
(21:01)
Terra's Wrat: Ohshi - you mean RTD is STILL pulling that line out of his arse?
(21:01)
Varla Guns: No, it's the continuity announcer
(21:02)
Terra's Wrat: It's been in all the trailers though
(21:03)
Terra's Wrat: Eve is so pretty.
(21:03)
Varla Guns: She reallyreallyis
(21:03)
Terra's Wrat: Great, creepy lil blonde kid strikes again!
OMG THEY'RE ALL FUCKING BLONDE
HOLY SHIT WAT
(21:04)
Terra's Wrat: ... Okay, so she isn't. But WAT
(21:04)
Varla Guns: Village of the Damned much?
(21:04)
Terra's Wrat: Holy frick. That's just strange.
(21:04)
Terra's Wrat: There's only four brunettes I've seen so far
(21:05)
Varla Guns: That's because blondes are eeeevil
(21:05)
Terra's Wrat: FUCK SAKE
ALREADY, A FUCKING JANTO REFERENCE
(21:05)
Varla Guns: I know
(21:05)
Terra's Wrat: FUCK YOU, RTD
(21:05)
Varla Guns: Affectionate reference from Gwen
Urgh
(21:06)
Varla Guns: Yak!
I hope that's not actually true
(21:06)
Varla Guns: I think I'm going to be sick
(21:06)
Terra's Wrat: What's not?
I'm not listening, yelling on Twitter
OH FUCK OFF
FUCK OFF
FUCK OFF
FUCK OFFFFFFFF
(21:07)
Varla Guns: They were next-door neighbours. Like, they live together
(21:07)
Terra's Wrat: I can't believe I put hope into this..
(21:08)
Varla Guns: Me neither
That's University Hospital of Wales, that is
(21:08)
Terra's Wrat: He's the fucking TEABOY!
(21:08)
Varla Guns: I'm there on Wednesday
(21:08)
Terra's Wrat: Lol
(21:09)
Varla Guns: Why isn't he hitting on the pretty doctor?!
(21:09)
Terra's Wrat: Because he's a monogamous fuckbucket.
(21:10)
Varla Guns: No, Ianto's the fuckbucket
Arsehole like a balloon knot
(21:12)
Terra's Wrat: Wow. Ianto can read. What an important, unique skill to bring to Torchwood...
(21:12)
Varla Guns: Don't forget the overbearing snark
The unrealistic, overbbearing snark
(21:12)
Terra's Wrat: ... Is that Martha's sister?
(21:12)
Varla Guns: I think so
(21:13)
Varla Guns: But Martha's IN UNIT
(21:13)
Terra's Wrat: Indeed.
"They're a bunch of useless fucks but maybe their Teaboy can read us up something useful."
(21:14)
Terra's Wrat: WHY IS JACK NOT MAKING A SNARK AT A NEW STALKER AFTER HIS HOT ARSE!?
(21:14)
Varla Guns: Are they going to recruit him for the meat in a Janto sandwich?
(21:14)
Terra's Wrat: YES
YES
YES
(21:14)
Varla Guns: If they recruit him and Jack doesn't hit on him, I'm done
(21:14)
Terra's Wrat: FUCKING REAL!JACK, YES
(21:14)
Varla Guns: Yes
(21:19)
Terra's Wrat: You may be a doctor, but you're not Owen.
(21:19)
Varla Guns: Haha! All he can do is watch with a camcorder
(21:19)
Terra's Wrat: EWWWWWWWW
FROM THE DARKNESS
(21:20)
Varla Guns: What darkness?
At the end of the universe?
(21:20)
Varla Guns: Oh, kids and mentals
(21:21)
Terra's Wrat: Yeah. WE'VE GOT TO RUN AND RUN AND RUN YOU KNOW
(21:21)
Varla Guns: I just thought that
He's going to be wearing the running coat a lot in this, I can see
(21:23)
Terra's Wrat: Yep
(21:24)
Varla Guns: Who's the spy girl I wonder
(21:24)
Terra's Wrat: Hmmm
This plot confuses me
(21:25)
Varla Guns: Me too
(21:25)
Terra's Wrat: Evidently it's something I'm going to have to watch again in catch-up
(21:25)
Varla Guns: Not really. It doesn't really link
(21:27)
Terra's Wrat: who is that guy?
he reminds me of someone
(21:27) Varla Guns: The guy with the kit?
(21:27)
Terra's Wrat: Glasses.
LOL GWEN JUST PWNED DESPERATE-TO-PLEASE IANTO
(21:27)
Varla Guns: Home Secretary?
Is Peter capaldi
(21:28)
Varla Guns: Timothy White is in the grounds of Mr G's hospital
(21:28)
Terra's Wrat: N'awwwww, Gwen/Rhys..
N'AWWWWW
(21:28)
Varla Guns: I like how they've settled in
(21:29)
Terra's Wrat: So do I
(21:29)
Varla Guns: *grins*
The stuff about going into England from Wales actually gets said, y'know
(21:30)
Terra's Wrat: OH FUCK OFF
YOU NEEDY CUNT
HAHAHA
(21:30)
Varla Guns: LOLOLOLOL
(21:30)
Terra's Wrat: OH GOD THAT IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN ENCAPSULATED INTO ONE TINY SCENE
(21:32)
Terra's Wrat: 'i wuv you, let's buy a house and have kids and GET MARRIED ' '... errr, let's not *flees to doctor/gwen/next conquest*'
(21:32)
Varla Guns: That's his son, right?
(21:33)
Terra's Wrat: ... Cos yeah, they're SO related
(21:33)
Varla Guns: Oh, he really is a cunt
(21:33)
Terra's Wrat: He is
(21:34)
Varla Guns: At least Jack is charming when he's using you
(21:34)
Terra's Wrat: Yes
(21:34)
Varla Guns: Ianto's just hopeless
(21:35)
Terra's Wrat: Possibly because Jack has a spine and Ianto doesn't
(21:35)
Terra's Wrat: Awww Jack...
(21:35)
Varla Guns: Ohhhhhhhh
(21:35)
Terra's Wrat: AWWW JACK
(21:35)
Varla Guns: OHHHHHHHHH
His daughter!
(21:36)
Terra's Wrat: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW JAACCCKKK
(21:36)
Terra's Wrat: ... And no Gwen scene?
(21:37)
Varla Guns: She's going after the mental...
(21:37)
Terra's Wrat: Did this just go Jack/Ianto/Jack/Ianto...? NEED MOAR GWEN!
(21:38)
Terra's Wrat: 'It's.. the fact I can't act'
What did he just say?
(21:38)
Varla Guns: 'He is very handsome, though'
(21:38)
Terra's Wrat: No, it's not weird
It's fuckbuddies
You cunt
(21:39)
Varla Guns: Fucking loser
(21:41)
Terra's Wrat: God she's gorgeous
WTF
CREEPY BASTARD
(21:42)
Varla Guns: She really is
And so is he
(21:42)
Terra's Wrat: ... Okay. Chill out, guy.
Wasn't that funny.
(21:45)
Terra's Wrat: This scene is brilliant
(21:46)
Terra's Wrat: Omg
The emotions and stuff going on is just.. WOW.
(21:46)
Varla Guns: It is
And also, PREGNANT
(21:46)
Terra's Wrat: WHOO
(21:46)
Varla Guns: Because Eve is, innit
(21:46)
Terra's Wrat: It's great =D
(21:49)
Varla Guns: They're gonna have a job...
(21:49)
Terra's Wrat: A blowjob
... Or not
(21:49)
Terra's Wrat: Lol he's gonna sit up in a minute
OH SHIT
(21:50)
Varla Guns: He can't let them see that he can't die
(21:50)
Terra's Wrat: Yeah. Crap.
(21:50)
Terra's Wrat: Oh lady, you are NOT. PRETTY.
(21:50)
Varla Guns: nope
(21:51)
Terra's Wrat: .. Should not have laughed, but did
(21:51)
Terra's Wrat: EEEEWWWWWWW
(21:51)
Varla Guns: Ew indeed
He really can smell stuff
(21:52)
Terra's Wrat: Though... skin doesn't break like that?
(21:52)
Varla Guns: I guess it might if you're usiing alien tech
(21:52)
Terra's Wrat: Oh.. kay wtf did they do?
Yeah, she's gonna fuck you up, dude
Har.
(21:53)
Varla Guns: They put in a tracker?
Or one of those hitch-hiker thingies?
(21:53)
Terra's Wrat: .. That looked like he was straddling him
(21:54)
Varla Guns: Yeah. And they had to kill off the Ianto competition, didn't they?
(21:54)
Terra's Wrat: Yup
STFU, you needy bastard
(21:55)
Terra's Wrat: ..... Okay.
(21:55)
Varla Guns: Hahaha!
(21:55)
Varla Guns: I love his "bitch, please" expression with the hug
(21:55)
Terra's Wrat: Yeah lol
Awwwww
(21:55)
Terra's Wrat: Awwwwwwwwwww
(21:56)
Terra's Wrat: Lol
OH SHIT
OH SHIIIIT
(21:57)
Terra's Wrat: OH FUCKING SHITBUCKETS
(21:57)
Varla Guns: OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT
(21:57)
Terra's Wrat: *PUUUUKE*
(21:57)
Varla Guns: Nah, not puke. He did it to distract him
(21:57)
Terra's Wrat: It still just.. not nice.
Though distraction was hilarious
(21:58)
Terra's Wrat: JACK!
.....
(21:58)
Terra's Wrat: Oh well, tomorrow awaits,/lj-cut>