Aug. 15th, 2009

filthgoblin: (Default)
I just checked my Gmail on the server. I currently have almost as many spam messages from the past month as I have emails in total from the past four years. Amazing.

Before I delete them all, I just wanted to take a few extracted titles that made me grin.

If you go to bed with vigor in your pants, you never go alone
Vigor in my pants? I don't even know what that means.

Women always judge your manhood by the size of your little friend
Any woman who judges me based on the fact I have short friends isn't worth my time

Enlarge your device and women will jump in your bed
Device?! Now I've heard a lot of slang terms for male genitalia, but never device. It's not a mechanical instrument. Unless of course they mean it in the sense that one could think up a bigger plan or scheme. Like maybe saying that your bed is a giant swimming pool. And maybe that there's free swimming. Then she might jump in it. Or... something.

Throw away your cigarettes before you throw away your lungs
Aw, shit. Isn't it always the way? You bin something that's been hanging around for years that you didn't really see the point of until it was gone. I just thought my lungs were taking up space in my chest cavity that could be used for carrying other stuff around. Sometimes I have too many groceries to lug by hand, so being able to carry some of my weekly shop in my ribcage would be very useful. So I got shot of them, and remembered very quickly why I'd been keeping them.

Shape any part of your body any way you want
I want my tits to be shaped like the Palace of Westminster, please.

Now you won't be scared of the aging process because you know how to stop it
That's right, kids. Kill yourselves now! That way you won't get any older!

Also, next time I need a character name for an original story, I'm going to look no further than my spam folder. Seriously, those names are pure fried gold. Rubin Pagan, Bradford Santiago, Coleman Stanford, Silas Cooley [I'm quite sure he's a serial killer], Winnie Hedrick, Hilda Connor. Just so much fodder. I'm almost tempted to use a random email header as a writing prompt and create two characters named after people who sent me spam. It would be good to make something creative from spam. Then its sending would not be in vain.

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